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Glad to get this week out of the way. Been so tiring and stressful with my manager away and having wake up a hour earlier, do the hours everyday, normal duties, and try to prove myself to the home manager to keep me after my 3 months probation is up. properly. Actually I'm exhausted.

I burst into tears yesterday when a man came and told me about him and his wife's situation at work. It was just so sad - The situation he was in - How unfair it all was and him having that lump in his throat speaking. It was too much. I think about it now and it still makes me want to cry. I think I'm abit emotionally unstable.

Thinking about that makes me want to cry, thinking about mum and bambi sad makes me want to cry too.

And I don't exactly love to say it but I know it's the truth- thinking about J being sad makes me feel down too.

It's like bambi says " we're too sensitive for this world"
And like always..She's right!

Spoke to Bambi on phone today as my father really was in a controlling mood (not even going to talk more about it). I'm so proud of her!
She's so strong! Can't wait to catch up properly tomorrow.
J told me I could talk to him bout Bambi w/e. I shrugged and said ok. Told J Bambi is my other half on phone. He said he was scared. I have no idea what he really means. He then said he was going for a fag (from exp. this means he is white in the face and needs to think about what I've just said).

Me n Bambi we're going to go into town tomorrow I said I'd look at flats because I was just so pissed at father. But now I'm in two minds whether to. The money and ofc Mum would be on her own again and I know she worries  and so do I...
Mum wants another child. I don't know if it's going to happen yet. Its all quite a surprise to me really as she always said "one is enough" - when I was younger and I was lonely and asked her. But just now I asked her and she said "well one isn't enough". I feel excited I guess...but a little part of me feels abit inadequate, like if I was younger and more dependant she wouldn't want one...that I don't satisfiy her mothering side anymore or something?!
Maybe it's normal.
Maybe I'm just being silly.

Alfie said I was sweet today. I don't know why but I felt flattered. If you know me you know I'm not easily flattered. I guess because he's not the flirty type and married - It felt more genuine? :)

gahh look at the time...Zzzzzz